It's a battle

In Tents at Highways in Santa Monica CA

2008-03-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

LA Weekly

2007-10-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

We made the "GO" section under dance. Go figure!

Great time...

2007-10-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well, the two nights at Highways went by so quickly. It was a lot of fun. Everything went well and Alan did a great job with the mandolin!
Alan, what's next? we should start brainstorming, huh????

done

2007-10-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

Wow, I am exhausted. What a weekend! The first night at Highways was exciting. Even though we only had a bout 20 people in the audience, we still had a great time and the pieces went very well.

The second night, we had a very large crowd as well as the audience from the 18th St Art Complex Art Night.

In Tents went really well. it woprks on so many levels. I was very pleased and felt Mona and I did really well.

Mona meeting last night

2007-09-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

Mona came over so that we could review and comment on her video for the pink tent. It was elegant and colorful. I gave her several comments and she went home to start the one for the green tent.

We agreed they would loop but for the perrformance, it would need tk clothed,

Kate 091907

2007-09-19T13:53:00.001-07:00

Hi Alan,

Thanks for your email. Everything is going great, still in producing work
but should be good to go! Very excited. The 24th will work better,
we can possibly even jam right in Highways and leave it there.
Unfortunately I can't be there as I lecture that night but Michael will
be here. The 25th doesn't work at all.

Thanks,
Kate

Fingered Seven 091907

2007-09-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

Nine days till opening night. What a lax production. I guess it's because essentially, Mona and I are only responsible for ten minutes each night. How cool is that?

Tents are done

2007-09-14T10:12:00.002-07:00

On September 11, Tuesday, Mona and I completed the tents.

The base music is complete.

Mona will work on the video this weekend.

I'll work on the objects and live music this weekend. Mona and I need to hook up next week to complete the objects.

I met with Peter yesterday and they won't need my drumming for their work.

I also reserved a projector through Side Street Projects for $180.00 for the week. Great deal.

Update 091407

2007-09-14T10:12:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone,

How’s everything going with your individual productions?

Michael, Suji, Peter and Jeff, thank you for hooking up to review the space. I hope that was helpful.

We spoke about having one more jam before we start loading into Highways the week of the 24th but I believe Jeff is at Lake Tahoe starting tomorrow for an exhibition he’s in and producing, which opens the 20th.

Would the evening of the 24th or 25th work? We could have it at EZTV and leave our equipment there so we would have less to bring on the day of loading?

How does this work for everyone?

-Alan

So Hot

2007-09-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Mona and I hooked up Sunday afternoon between 11 and 2, in the numbing heat. Although we worked under the carport, it was a humorous and hypnotic exercise to gel medium strips of the pink fabric onto the three person tent. We finished and will be working on the larger tent this weekend.

We also came up with a title: In Tents

Tents

2007-08-31T14:45:00.001-07:00

Fingered Seven: Tents is a collaborative video-based mixed-media performance, by LA-based Collage Ensemble Inc., that is comprised of two tent-like shapes. One tent represents a male figure and the external battle of war and identity. The other tent represents a female figure and the internal battle of independency and identity. Utilizing personal memory, impressions of war and a young woman's growth through divorce, the tone poem is an inter-disciplinary painting of imagery, sound and video.

Soundtrack a go!

2007-08-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

I mastered it last night and dropped over the final base sound to Mona for the video/performance. She wasn't there so I left it at her door step.

David and Mona are back. They actually went to Turkey and France. They didn't go to Iran. I can't wait to hear about it this Saturday.

Everyone's convening at my house Saturday. I was hoping Megan could come too.

We'll see. I'll talk to her about it tonight.

-Alan

The Soundtrack

2007-08-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

I think I nailed the soundscape I would like Mona edit to. It's quite a bit more abstract than what my rock music based work has been like. I think this is it. I am very excited about it. I'd been living with the images and ideas in my mind for weeks. When I sat down last week to record, it just poured out well. Protools helps a lot, that's for sure.

Mona and David came back this weekend. I haven't called them yet. They must be in some serious jetlag.

EZTV's response

2007-07-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

Hey Alan,

So. so sorry for the misspelling, that must have been my fault when I originally gave Highways the proposed evening idea, Deepest apologies on that. The program that will be printed for the show ( which we have full control and approval of ), will of course have correct spellings, bios, project descriptions, etc.

Of course, the artists split the admission money with Highways. Donna & her dancers do not take any of that money, as they are paid by the various grants that Donna and I have received to create and evolve our piece through it's various site-specific incarnations. Highways, and 18th Street, as most credible art organizations, believe in paying artists, and even theiri free events pay the artists ( as in the case when I was able to get Collage hired by 18th Street for the opening of EZTV's retrospective show). The money used to pay the artists for these free events, comes from specific project grants, and therefore is not an option in out Highways show. Therefore, the normal admission price ( which I actually also assumed would be lower) was listed. Like Alan, I'm not sure that we can get a sizeable audience, but whatever comes in, no matter how small, will be spilt by perfomers ( misus Donna and her dancers).

Yes, I also think that Donna should come to a jam meeting of ours. Great idea.

Since the show is still evolving, the shape and tone of it is yet to outlined, which is why the show description in the calendar is as vague as it is. I think that no matter what the show turns out to be, though, that the description will be pretty accurate. As we all agreed some time ago, when it was decided by group not to collectively work on a single theme ( i.e an opera ) but rather each take equal time and do separate things, the show would therefore be hard to describe ( especially since the specific projects and names of these projects was not yet said ).

When Alan first brought all of the talented people to the jams that he did, I made the mistake of thinking that they were all in the current incarnation of his group, especially since Jeff is on the new Collage DVD. So to me, to my delight actually, I thought that Collage had curated the larger portion of the evening, with three pieces ( Alan and Mona, Jeff, and Peter and Suji ). Kate & I have one piece each ( Donna & dancers is part of my piece, ). So to me, and I may be wrong in interpretinbg it this way, this is certainly not just an EZTV project, but an EZTV/Collage project. At any rate, I'm happy to have it be called whatever you want in the PR ( which goes out in mid-August ) and in the program. There is plenty of time to think about what/how to say things there, and to get it right.

Yes, the program calendar does not list any of our names specifically, just EZTV, Collage ( mispelled ) and Donna, whose work on the Santa Monica Arts Comission has brought Highways much needed funding and support. As you see in the calendar, some shows list some of the performers, some do not list any.

If many of you want to do installations, and not performances, I'm sure that we can work that out at the next meeting. That way, when the PR is sent out, it will reflect the actual show and the pieces involved, and not some unavoidable vague notion as in thre calendar.
What should be determined very soon, though, is how much performance time is actually being created, so that if some or many of you do not want to do regular performances on the Highways stage, then perhaps those that do can/should have longer performance times. We also would then need to work out the logistics of where the various installations would be staged.

On that note, one exciting possibilty is that earlier in the evening before our show is when 18th Street will have it's nexrt Art Night ( which is what I got Alan/Collage hired for ). If those of you doing installations want them to be viewable as part of that early evening (
6pm-8:30pm?) time, I'm sure that could be worked out. Anyway, once everybody has a specific idea on what thye'd like to do, then we can start to program what happens in what order, where it happens, etc.

Alan's final point is great- this is going to be an awesome collection of work. I can't/won't guarantee a sell-out crowd for it ( as I've been saying all along ), but we'll do our best and the most important thing is that we explore our individual ideas/pieces fully and to our creative standards. If you do not want to stick to the theme of multimedia as it relates to performance, then there really is no problem. The vast majority of the people that come to any specific event at Highways usually come from specific PR, and not the group calendar.

Best to all,
Michael,

Update 071707

2007-07-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Hello Michael, Kate, Suji, ,Jeff and Peter,

Mona and I met last night.

For the first time, I saw the Highways Calendar that was already sent out. It lists our project, Fingered Seven with a photo of what I think is from a Donna Sternberg dance performance but doesn't really represent the piece which we saw on DVD this past Saturday night.

I accept the project has changed dramatically from what we talked about at the Italian restaurant (it is after all an evolving concept) but there are a couple of things I would like everyone to be aware of as we continuie this project:

1. This is really not a EZTV/ Collage Ensemble Inc.
project anymore. It's an EZTV project that Collage Ensemble Inc. is one of several participants on. Mona and I are totally fine with this but we should be honest about that in our presentation/press releases, etc.
2. Our group is called Collage Ensemble and not College Ensemble as stated in the Highways Calendar.
3. As Donna Sternberg's group is now "headlining" this two night event, I think it would great if she could be invited to the next jam so that we can at least meet her.
4. No one ever told us the event would cost $20 to get in. Are we getting a cut from the door or is all this going straight to Highways? Maybe we should discuss that? Mona and I feel that much of Collage Ensemble's audience will not drive to Santa Monica and pay $20 to see a 90 minute project. It's just a reality with our peeps.
5. This project has many participants. The Highways Calendar lists EZTV, Donna Sternberg and a mispelled Collage Ensemble. It doesn't list Jeff, Suji or Peter who are not part of either art groups but are individual artists. Let's make that distinction in any other announcement, press release, etc.

I think that about covers it.

Mona and I met last night and our piece is shaping up.
We are very excited. We will incorporate a "performance" into our tent-installation as was suggested by Michael and we would like to take advantage of what Michael and Kate brought up about the side garage door.

Currently, we are thinking that one tent will be in the walkway outside and the other will be in this side garage door area. The performance will require the audience to come into the gallery to watch the performance in the tent. I hope that makes sense.

See you all in two Saturdays! Let's keep working on our pieces. This is going to be an awesome collection of works.

-Alan

Cha-cha-cha Changes!!!!

2007-07-16T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I got my thrid call from one of the participants complaining about the changes to the project at Highways. They are:

1. Donna Sternberg is the headliner. Other than kate and Mike, non of us have ever met Donna Sternberg. An events calendar went out illustrating her as the headliner. All of this was dicovered after the calendar was sent out.
2. The photo and text we had agreed upon for the calendar at our last group meeting was not implemented and maybe for good reason. Michael felt that Donna Sternberg was a big name we could more easily sell tickets. Also, EZTV had already had a work completed they collaborated with her on.
3. The Sunday afternoon performance has turned into a two-night Friday and Saturday presentation. There's a little bit more pressure.
4. Ticket prices are $20. None of us are getting paid, we have no budget and our audiences may not be able to afford this cost.
5. Generally, EZTV decisions are being made without any group discussions. What was originally suppose to be a collaboration is really more of an EZTV event that we are all participating in.

I told Mona that, although non-communication is frustrating, these new directions do offer great advantages:

1. No pressure on us to sell tickets
2. We can focus on just our work and not the production of the entire show
3. Our piece is self contained and we can always present it somewhere else
4. Since this is more of an EZTV/Highways event now, we can hope to present our works to new audiences

Surprise

2007-07-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Jeff saw a flier annoucing the shows this summer-fall at Highways. Fingered 7 was listed but the image was of a dancer in tights, or something like that. I sent out a email to Michael and sure enough he decided to present a collaboration EZTV already produced earlier with Donna Sternberg Dance. So all that talk about the art cinspiracy, the collaborative ensebmble, etc. was circumnavigated and it was decided without input that Donna Sternberg was going to head our collaboration project, at least as far as the audience was concerned.

This is the third time Michael has decided without real input on the direction of our alleged colaboration. Oh well, I was really excited about Michael creating an original solo work but since he hasn't really done that in a long time, I suppose that was very naive of me. Regardless, it's still a great opportunity. I don't quite see how this is a EZTV/Collage Ensemble Inc. production, though. It feels more like an EZTV presentation that includes all of these art entities.

Also, it's $20 a tix. WOW! That's a lot of money for something non of us are getting paid to do. That's also weired. This reminds me of the time when Collage Ensemble inc. was asked to present a performance at Highways and they decided to label our group an Asian-American collective. Being the only Asian in the group, I found that to be very strange. Highways seems less of an arts space and more of a theater space. Less about the artist and more about marketing for the space itself. That's too bad.

Tents

2007-06-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, June 23, 2007, David and Mona came over and I made them okonomiyaki for dinner. Mona brought a delicious pasta salad in vinagrette dressing.

Afterwards, we put up the two tents in the backyard and dicussed our installation.

We both liked the size differences and the ability to have a tent you walk into and a tent that you peek through.

There's potential to play with a juxtapostion of opposites or differences, i.e. male and female, interior and exterior, etc.

it was an exciting session.

Dana

2007-06-11T15:54:00.000-07:00

On Thursday evening, Mona and I met with artist Dana Orlando at her home in Venice. The interview lasted approx an hour and fort minutes. She was articulate and very honest about her first marriage with a non-clinically diagnosed schizophrenic Scientologist.

She was very positive and upbeat about her life today. At the age 39, looking back on her situation as a 19 year old bride made for a very interesting interview.

fingered and a tent!

2007-05-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

Alan and I had a great meeting tonight.
we are getting closer everyday! If anything, we now know how the installation would look like, well sort of.
A camping trip inspired Alan and he came up with the idea of using tent(s). I found it fascinating! There are so many layers attached to the concept of a tent,; shelter, protection,... and there are metaphoric tents: ethnic tents, religious tents, racial tents, ...

So far, we agreed that our interview with David would be included in the piece. We also like to incorporate the show's title "Fingered 7" into our piece.

finger definition:
n.
1. One of the five digits of the hand, especially one other than the thumb.
2. The part of a glove designed to cover a finger.
3. Something, such as an oblong peninsula, that resembles one of the digits of the hand.
4. The length or width of a finger.
5. A degree of participation; a share: "seems almost sure to have a finger or two in crafting the final blueprint" (George B. Merry).
6. An obscene gesture of defiance or derision made by pointing or jabbing the middle finger upward. Often used with the.
v. fin·gered, fin·ger·ing, fin·gers
v.tr.
1. To touch with the fingers; handle. See Synonyms at touch.
2. Music
a. To mark (a score) with indications of which fingers are to play the notes.
b. To play (an instrument) by using the fingers in a particular order or way.
3. Slang
a. To inform on.
b. To designate, especially as an intended victim.
v.intr.
1. To handle something with the fingers.
2. Music To use the fingers in playing an instrument.
finger synonyms

verb
1-To bring the hands or fingers, for example, into contact with so as to give or receive a physical sensation: feel, handle, palpate, touch. See touch
2-Slang. To establish the identification of: identify, pinpoint, place, recognize. Idiom: put one's finger on. See knowledge
Idioms:

phrases
- be all fingers and thumbs Brit. informal be clumsy.
-burn one’s fingers suffer unpleasant consequences as a result of one’s actions.
-have a finger in the pie be involved in a matter.
-have one’s finger on the pulse be aware of the latest trends.
-lay a finger on touch (someone), especially with the intention of harming them.
-pull one’s finger out Brit. informal cease prevaricating and start to act.
-put the finger on informal inform on. put one’s finger on identify exactly.
-snap (or click) one’s fingers make a sharp clicking sound by bending the middle finger against the thumb and suddenly releasing it.

Hanging with the crew

2007-05-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

DINNER/MEETING
Last Wednesday evening we all got togehter, Peter Watkinson, Suji Lee, Mona Kasra, Jeffery Mohr, Kate Johnson, Michael Masucci and I. We decided to have dinner at Benvenuto. Michael and Kate had been telling about this place for a while now. It's a great place for pasta and Michael said it's the best LA place for pasta. The building used to be the workshop/studio of the Doors and so, although it's a restaurant now, architecturally, there are many elements interior and exterior that hint the hey days of the Doors. The kitchen window looks vaguely like a sound booth window and the bathroom is advertised as the room "LA Woman" was recorded. Tony of Benvenuto was amazing and really took care of us.he even gave us a complimentary Tiramisus.

EZTV (Kate and Michaerl) used to be across the street and for atleast 2 years, Michael said that Benvenuto was there dining room for lunch and dinner. Tony is very fond of Michael and Kate and everyone enjoyed their meal.

SUMMARY
It was a very good meeting. Tony took a picture of us and we will use that for the initial press for our project at Highways. We also came us with a funny title, "Fingered 7". Michael will work on a three sentence project description and all of these items are due to Highways this Wednesday.

Basic discussion:
1) We have a show on Sunday, September 30 at 7:00 PM @ Highways
2) We can only set up that day
3) The evening will begin with us jaming as people come in
4) Mona and I will create several installations which may be inside the space our outside of Highways
5) Everyone else is working on their works which are primarily perfomformance, installation and/or video projections.

life-changing moment's

2007-05-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

these are perhaps moments that when happened I was not aware of their importance, but once passed I was transformed for good or bad.

- being born

- War nights
I grew up during Iran-Iraq war. I was too young to know what is going on. I remember darkness, flashlights, stairs, and the terrifying sound of bombing. Just counting the explosions wondering if the next one would hit us.
looking back, I feel sad and angry. I didn't know what death was but I knew that I wanted us to die together as a family (including my grandparents) IF the bomb hit us. I was horrified to be left alone.
I can go on...

- menstruation
a surreal experience. we were vacationing in the North of Iran by the Sea.
I was about 12-13 and was suddenly forced to change in a weekend. I wasn't a child anymore. I was terrified and embarrassed.

- reading Milan Kundera when I was a teenager

- leaving Iran
I guess I got the chance to be born again while I was/am constantly filled with the guilt of leaving my family.

- visiting Tate Museum
till then, I had only seen the modern art works in books. Books that were awfully censored with markers.
it was amazng!

- starting to teach when I turned 18
this is when I found true satisfaction, teaching English to little girls.

- adopting a cat
this experience changed me for good. They way I looked at the world and mankind changed greatly.

- realizing that after all, my dad is only a human being, not my hero

- meeting David

- being introduced to feminism

mona's on board

2007-05-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

well, my apologies...
my apologies for being transparent for a while.

It’s been a tough couple of months for me. My focus was shifted towards teaching, which as much as I love it, as much as it is rewarding, can be overwhelming at times.

The good news is that I am back and looking forward to a great project…

PS: please excuse any grammatical problem in my writings! English is not my first language☺

10 Life Changing Items

2007-04-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

(in no particular order)

Encountering a spirit

Becoming a father

Playing live music in another country

Skinny dippin in the ocean

A tour of my father's hometown by his childhood best friend on the day of my father's funeral

Losing Lenny in a motorcycle accident

Receiving my finalized divorce papers

Teaching a drawing class in the prisons

Seeing my grandfather cry as he shows me pictures of his mother

My grandmothers face as she sees my father on his death bed

From Margi Scharff

2007-04-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

Margi Scharff wrote:

Hi Alan, Well I think I may have some stories to send you-- as I did some writing during the cancer /chemo time in India and unfortunately the cancer is back and so I'm dealing with the issues all over again. Will be trying alternative treatments this time around. The conventional route is just too nightmarish for me. Anyway-- I'll send you the stories when I catch up on things-- right now I'm overloaded with alternative appointments. In the meantime-- I'm still here-- not dead or anything!

All the best!
Margi

p.s. love your food blog!

Call 2 Artists

2007-04-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Artists,

Collage Ensemble Inc., Mona Kasra and I, are looking for artists who have experienced battle. Battle can be interpreted in anyway. Of course, war comes to mind but their are other forms, i.e. daily battles, gang battles, battling the elements, etc. We may incorporate these stories into a zine and perhaps include them in a collaborative performance with EZTV this Fall at Highways in Santa Monica CA.

If you have a story or know of an artists who is interested in contributing a story, please let us know at:

produceartcenter@yahoo.com

Mona and I have a blog up about this project:

http://itsabattleproject.blogspot.com/

Lastly, our web site has been recently updated:

www.pacce.com

Have a great weekend! Thanks.

-Alan Nakagawa

Update

2007-04-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

Mona is really busy. I think this may be the bussiest I've ever seen her since we met several years ago. She's teaching at CSUN but she started teaching at SMCC as well. It's like having two jobs.

We were scheduled to meet Thursday evening but she had to postpone it for two weeks. She also hasn't had any time to place anything on this blog since we started. I suspect the summer will be a better time for her but certainly this changes the schedule of our zine. The nice thing is that we have no deadline. The bad thing is we have no deadline.

I emailed Mona today. I asked if we should send out a call to artists for stories about "battle".

On another front, Hiromi and Rick's friend, the musician who went to Nam, has backed out of participating. He said that he thought about it and if we interviewed him, it would bring back too many bad memories, memories he has been trying to forget.

I thought that alone was pretty powerful.

Vietnam Veteran Musician

2007-03-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

I received a call from Rick Alpers and he has spoken with his friend. It looks like he wants to support our project with an interview. I'll call him tonight. Rick said he lives in Santa Barbara and that he plays in a jazz band with his brother.

Mona called last night and we haven't hooked up for weeks. She's very busy with her two teaching gigs. One at CSUN and the other at SMCC. She said we should meet next week, even if it's just for an hour.

I need to call her too.

2007-03-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

I had lunch with two friends of mine today. They were telling me of a musician who was in the US Army and went to Vietnam to fight. He ended up being in a band that played for the troops near the frontline.

I asked if they thought he'd be open to being interviewed. They said that they would ask him for us but that he was a very open person and would probably allow us to do that.

Torture, Part I

2007-03-08T16:15:00.000-08:00

Do most of us kill on some level?

Do many of us torture on some level?

Not necessarily kill or torture other humans but say, animals, insects, etc.

During the summer when those of us who have cats and/or dogs, fleas infest our lives and the war is on once again. There's an industry based on this relationship.

How to build a better mouse trap?

Growing up, we tortured snails with salt, burned ants with magnifying glasses and doused roaches with Raid. Beyond that was ingenuity and entertainment leading to the killing or torturing living things we felt we had rights over or importants over, were violating our domain or just were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

How many of us have a sibling(s) where torture was part of the culture of control?

It's about intimidation, power, and control. In it's worse state, "Winning" where the ultimate resolution is killing or severly damaging another living thing.

At the very least, a small percentage of us enjoy having that finite power.

The Navy

2007-02-26T11:56:00.000-08:00

I have this uncle who was in the Navy during the Vietnam War.

He was in an aircraft carrier off the Pacific Coast, mostly.

I asked him once, what that was like.

He said in an aircraft carrier, there are many levels or floors emplying thousands of people.

His department was towards the bottom, subsequently, he never saw the light of day during any battle. His recollection of war was just doing his job with little interference or excitment.

Suicide, Part II

2007-02-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

My friend. In HS he was a 4.0 student, studied Latin, was in a Magic society, and was the keyboardist in our band. Classicaly trained, he was definitely the most educated musician in our collective. We lived, ate and slept music.

He ended up being accepted into the UCLA PreMed program and stopped playing music all together. Two years into the program, he hung himself in his bedroom only to be discovered by his parents and younger brother. A month later, his younger brother murders his father by shooting him in the skull during a domestic fight in the parents bedroom.

Evidentally, the father had been physically abusive towards the family members for years and the youngest son couldn't take it anymore. He spent some time in prison as a minor but was released shortly afterwards.

So one element in a suicide situation is the feeling of no options or that killing yourself is the best of all options. How do you get to that point in your mind? In this case, it's the harsh environment of abuse and through time a kind of brain and physical torture. You lose a lot of yourself in this kind of experience and soon your options and anything remotely empowering becomes intangible. The word "gradual" is important. Suicide can't be a newly concluded reality or an option that comes out of a recent self evaluation but a condition that happens slowly, almost like nano emotions or nano death emotions.

In my case, it was the impact of a negative relationship that pushes you so hard and for so long that you are compacted into a metaphoric corner. You have no idea you can get out of it. Your perspective along with your self worth gets so pushed that taking your own life becomes the "best" option. It is utter darkness. At some point, the dialogue is primarily in your mind. It is a dangerous and lonely act of self destruction.

Suicide, Part I

2007-02-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

"The hardest part of this is leaving you" -MCR

When someone dies, that you have a relationship with be it family, friend, neighbor, hero, fellow soldier, it not only reminds you of mortality, opens up the evaluation of life again but it bites a little part of you so hard that it leaves a life long mark and takes a little chunk of you too.

I've lost my share of family and friends starting from a very early age (single digits). Caring for the dyeing, funerals, comforting those around us through the sad times, wakes, these are all rites of passages.

However, suicide is a little bit different. Physical illness, accidents, tragedies, didn't see it coming or did see it coming , there's an intangible outside force involved. A suicide, is totally different, especially for those closest to the person. In retrospect, there may be signs but often, you don't see it coming during the time leading up to the suicide. In the few instances I have experienced losing someone through suicide, I didn't see it coming. Till this day, I still miss them and I often wonder what life would be if they were still around. For one of them, I still keep the letter he left me. It's a thank you letter but at the time, we were so young, I had no idea it would be his last communication with me. He was also an artist. I remember him well and I wish he were still here.

Suicide. Is it natural to think about taking your own life?. I admit that I've come close to taking my life but "life's promise" has always pulled me away from it. Life's promise could be the potential of your talent, your child, a friend, etc. Of course, life goes on with or without us but how will it go on? is part of life's promise we all keep in our beings. You can also call it hope. That's what stopped me the few times I was at that threshold.

So many think about taking their own life. Many carry through with it but if you could do something that helped someone decide not to, wouldn't that be worth it? That "threshold" is frequently visited space. What are we doing to wave the detour sign when people walk up to that threshold?

2007-02-20T10:00:00.000-08:00

Bill Short invited me to his home in Santa Monica this week to meet a special guest, Mr. Huyhn Dong, a national treasurer of Vietnam. Mr. Dong was a soldier in the Vietnam War and fought for the North Vietnamese Army. He had the unusual task of documenting the war utilizing his skills as an artist. His drawings and life story have recently been published and he was in the US for a premier of his book in Boston MA.

I was allowed to interview him and have an hour of footage of him discussing the need for peace, the Vietnam War, and his encouragement for the younger generations to learn more about the effects and experience of war.

It was an amazing evening. We will use excerpts of his story in the zine that Mona and I are creating.

First Entry February 19, 2007

2007-02-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

This is our first post for a project Mona and I (Alan) have been working on for two months.

Drinking "?" wine from Trader Joes (which Alan doesn't like at all), we begin to submit thoughts regarding personal and private stories about battles and in a few weeks, we'll begin to develop a work for a zine and a collaborative performance for Highways, an alternative performance space in Santa Monica CA, USA.